BROOM Breaking News

Sweet Summer Sale
(The World) In small shops and major malls all over the wide world, sweet summer sale started. And women tend to go crazy over the reduced prices...
In some shops, wild women even fight about idealised items designed by daring designers. Others are out to finally find the one bargain to boast about. There are girls going crazy about shoes, women wildly warring over beautiful blouses and fierce females pushing each other out of the way to get a better place in the queue for the changing cubicles.
Basically, this is all rubbish. The cool clothes would have been overprized anyway and now only got their real value. Plus, people end up with far too many things to put in their wardrobes. Phew, what a good thing we are no girls! (MF&BC)

 

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1st July – The USA and Cuba resume diplomatic relations after almost fifty years of mutual distrust. Their respective embassies opened again. It seems as if the Cold War is really over!
8th July – Pope Francis preached in Quito. He told the congregation to protect the environment. Hm. Maybe more people will do so now – after all, the Pope does enjoy loads of influence in threshold countries.
10th July – The German government finally acknowledged the genocide of the Herero and Nama in 1904. It took them 111 years to do so.
15th July – And again a very late decision: A 94-year-old former SS officer was convicted. He had been a clerk at Auschwitz.
21st July – The stupid Care Money was finally stopped. It had been paid to families who did not send their toddlers to kindergarten. However, 150 € a month are not enough to cover expenses, let alone show appreciation for the 24/7 job of being a parent.
24th July – Turkey starts attacking Islamistic terrorists.
30th July – Happy Birthday, Neville!
31st July – Happy Birthday, Harry!

 

The Almost Chosen One

(Hogsmeade) Everyone knows that Harry Potter is the Chosen One, thanks to You-Know-Who’s own actions. We here at newBROOM also know that there might have been quite another Chosen One: Neville Longbottom. Brian Cullen met him at the Leaky Cauldron to have a cosy chat.
BC: Hey Neville. How’s life up at school?
NL: Fine. The summer holidays are of course the best time of the year.
BC: Too right! Neville, now you are the Herbology-professor at Hogwarts, but when you were a kid, it did not look likely you would become a magical teacher.
NL: Well, it was pretty embarrassing. I had not an iota of magic in me until I was about six years old.
BC: And yet that infamous prophecy linking Harry Potter and You-Know-Who might just as well apply to you.
NL: Phew, yes, that was quite a close call back in 1981! I’m really grateful I did not have to live up to being the Chosen One. I mean, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would have been able to finish me off in no time, seeing I had so little magic in me.
BC: But, as leader of the DA in the Dark Year of Hogwarts, you surely have your fair share in the downfall of the Death Eaters and their master.
NL: Thank you. I couldn’t let them work on as if nothing was amiss – the Carrows with heir reign of terror, and Snape.
BC: He has always been your nemesis.
NL: I was very much afraid of him. And he bullied me no end. Believe me, he is not my model of a teacher.
BC: Old Snape can’t be anybody’s model teacher! So how does it feel teaching alongside his wife?
NL: You know, that’s no problem. She’s not as intimidating anyway.
BC: So, what are your plans for the future?
NL: To live in peace, and maybe grow some new magical plant.
With this lovely though, we say ‘thank you’ to Neville. May his wishes come true – he certainly deserves it. (BC)

Heatwave

(Europe) That has been some heat over here the last couple of weeks! Anyone who could get a place in the shade could be called a lucky one. Over 40 degrees were measured in some parts of Europe. newBROOM now would like to give you some tips and advice on how to cope with the heat and what to do when it is too hot to do anything.
The reasons for this heatwave are numerous. Some claim that it was caused by Marilyn Monroe, others argue that we are witnessing another instance of El Nino and the rest think that this is simply the climate change we are experiencing. Whatever the reason is newBROOM has done its best to provide 7 magical tips of how to deal with this.
Tip number one is to take off as many clothes as you can. But careful, don't get a sunburn! Light clothes are also a good idea if you are in a place at which you are not supposed to take off all of your clothes like at work – well, depending on what you work, of course.
Tip number 2 is to go to church. Yes, you have read that correctly. Try to find a very old church with thick, stone walls. Go inside and enjoy the cool atmosphere there. Alternatively you could also go to a cave, however, we here at newBROOM do believe that the next church will be closer than the next cave.
Tip number 3 is to find water. We know, we know, water is hot now as well, still it might at least make you believe it is cooler. Find a nice spot, put on your bathing suit, bikini or nothing and sit down in the warm water – cool water is what we meant.
Tip number 4 is to go to the cellar of your own house, lucky who has one these days. You could also visit a friend who has a cellar or make a new friend with a cellar. The smell might not be too nice but it is cool down there!
Tip number 5 is to behave like an onion. No, don't make other people cry. Put on various layers of clothes on yourself and then you can always think, yes, it is warm but if I took of the woollen pullover, it would not be too hot.
Tip number 6 is to enjoy an ice-cream. It must be a huge one otherwise it will not cool your body down enough so that you can feel the effect. A bucket full of ice-cream should do the trick.
Tip number 7 is to put your feet into a bowl with cold water. You might not believe that this has a huge effect, however, through your feet a lot of veins and stuff like that go and your blood will be cooled down and the lower temperature will be taken to your whole body.
As we here at newBROOM are such nice people we will provide one extra tip for you. Whatever you do, don't be lazy, keep on training for your bikini shape. You will need it in the future as summers will get warmer and you will want to be a sight for sore eyes, won't you. (MF)